The Joker

Written and illustrated by Jonathan Ingram

Three web developers sit around a table during a meeting. All of them are wearing clown masks to hide their true identities. Clown Three is noticeable by his silence.

Clown One: Three of a kind lets do this.

Clown Two: That’s it? Three guys working on a website?

Clown One: Two guys working from home. Every guy gets a share. Five shares is plenty.

Clown Two: Six shares. Don’t forget the guy who won the pitch.

Clown One: He thinks he can sit it out and still get a slice. I know why they call him the Joker.

The scene then changes to show the two guys working from home. Both of them are staring at a computer screen and are also wearing clown masks.

Clown Four: Usability tests have come in and everything went smoothly. Hmm that’s funny. Some people had trouble finding the search box.

Clown Five: Is it a problem?

Clown Four: Nah I’m done here.

Clown Five proceeds to shoot dead Clown Four in the back.

The scene then changes back to the original three web developers. Clown Two is startled by the unexpected appearance of the client representative.

Clown Two: Guys, the client representative is here for an unscheduled visit.

The client suddenly produces a shotgun and shoots dead Clown Two.

Client Representative: Wouldn’t it be great to add a discussion forum?

The Client Representative shoots his second bullet in the direction of the remaining web developers.

Client Representative: Some blogging software?

The Client Representative shoots his third bullet in the direction of the remaining web developers.

Client Representative: A content management system?

The Client Representative shoots his fourth bullet in the direction of the remaining web developers.

Client Representative: Our own Facebook page?

The Client Representative shoots his fifth bullet in the direction of the remaining web developers.

During all of this commotion both Clown One and Clown Three have been hiding behind a desk. Clown One turns his head towards Clown Three.

Clown One: He’s finished scope creeping right?

After wrongly assuming that the client representative has run out of bullets Clown Three nods in agreement. In response to this Clown One decides to get out from their hiding place. Using his final bullet he is then promptly shot at by the client representative.

Client Representative: And I’d kill for one of those iPhone Apps.

Clown One: Aargh!

The client representative realises he has now run out of bullets. Sensing his opportunity Clown Three jumps out from his hiding place and shoots the client representative with an Uzi.

Client Representative: Aargh!

Clown One gets up unharmed and angrily looks toward Clown Three.

Clown One: Where did you learn to count?!

It’s now later in the day and Clown Five (who was originally working from home) has now joined up with the remaining web developers. He is now looking at a computer screen with Clown One in attendance.

Clown Five: The Design is all sliced up. However, we seem to be using one of those cheap 24-hour PSD to HTML services. What type of project manager does that?

Clown One: I guess the Joker is as crazy as they say. Where’s the usability guy?

Clown Five: Boss told me when the guy was done I should take him out. One less share right?

Clown One: Funny, he told me something similar.

Clown Five: He wha… No No!

Clown One proceeds to shoot dead Clown Five.

It’s now later in the day and both Clown One and Clown Three are looking at all the web copy that’s lying on top of a desk.

Clown One: That’s a lot of copy. If this Joker guy was so smart he would have hired someone to look over it. I’m betting the Joker told you to kill me soon as we finished the website?

At this point Clown One is pointing a gun towards Clown Three, who decides to break his silence.

Clown Three: No no no no. I kill the content strategist.

Clown One: Content strategist? What’s a content strategist?

Suddenly without warning Clown Six turns up by bursting through the front door. As he does so the door swings round with so much force that it slams into Clown One knocking him unconscious. As Clown Six enters the room he notices the copy lying on the table.

Clown Six: Whoa that’s a lot of copy.

It’s now later in the day and Clown Six has finished going through all the web copy.

Clown Six: Content looks good to me. What happened to the rest of the guys?

Clown Three proceeds to shoot dead Clown Six, leaving him as the only remaining web developer. Suddenly the client representative pipes up, whilst still heavily injured on the floor.

Client Representative: Think you’re smart huh? Web developers in the past used to believe in things. Unlimited design revisions. Accepting our misguided pleas for a flash intro. Making sure a website looked identical on all browsers. Look at you. What do you believe in huh? What do you believe in?!

Clown Three stands over the client representative.

Clown Three: I believe that if you persist in making your websites look identical in all browsers it slowly makes you…stranger.

Whilst Clown Three was talking he takes off his clown mask to reveal himself to be the Joker all along.

Client Representative: I don’t understand, why are you in this issue of Bifter anyway?

Joker: I’m contracted to DC Comics and inside Bifter’s source code it says typeof="dc:comic"

Client Representative: That’s RDFa. Besides DC stands for Dublin Core.

The Joker is left speechless after hearing of his mistake.

Client Representative: Have I put my foot in my mouth again?

Joker: No no no no. Just this grenade instead.

The scene changes to two weeks later. The Joker now looks completely fed up during a phone conversation with the client.

Client: We’ve had negative feedback from our customers who are finding it very difficult to locate the search box!

Joker: I knew I should of just robbed a mob bank instead.